Jane Reinhard received a call that a birthmom had decided to parent in-route to picking up the son they anticipated raising as their own.
6 months. Tomorrow our baby will be 6 months old. Not WOULD BE in the sense that he died, but IS in the fact that he’s very much alive.
It’s just I’m not the one who gets to feed him, rock him to sleep, calm him when he cries. In the days and weeks that followed I was so overcome with my grief that it was difficult to face the day. I found it difficult to face people, especially if it included telling them what had transpired because somehow as long as I just didn’t say it out loud, maybe it didn’t really happen.
Early on someone shared with me that perhaps with grief, that maybe it doesn’t necessarily get easier but less. As time has gone on, I have found that to be true. I don’t cry everyday like I once did, but every so often it sneaks up on me, sometimes predictable, other times not.
Before he was born I had fun picking out some new clothes for him, specifically for our family vacation to the beach. About a week after that vacation in August, I somehow found the courage to return those items. I think it had something to do with the vacation coming and going and the realization, yet again, he was not here.The reminder emails from SimilacMoms reminding me what stage my baby is currently at and what milestones he would be completing. Getting through the ‘firsts’ and everything that as we planned for him, we pictured him being a part of. While this is not something that I ever wanted to be part of our story, as I type this, I plead with the Lord that, He will redeem it in such a way that we can look back and know why He allowed this part of our story to happen this way.
Often I pause and wonder what life looks like for him. Is he sleeping through the night? Is he crawling? And I pray for him and his mama. The Lord is faithful and has carried us through. His timing is often times not our timing & we continually look for what He is trying to teach us through this, placing all of our hope & trust in Him.